This Time, I'm the One Leaving First

After I get reborn, I've orchestrated every missed moment with my biological parents.

When they want to take my adopted sister, Simone Graham, to take a family portrait, I'll take cold showers so that I can catch a fever.

When they decide to book a cruise ship overseas in order to celebrate Simone's birthday, I join a classified project, which stops me from leaving the country.

When they start a company for Simone, I quickly apply to get dispatched to South City, which is 600 miles away from my hometown. I also make sure to declare that I will never fight with Simone over anything in life.

In my previous lifetime, Simone and I had been fighting over our parents' affection for decades. But all I got were comments on how manipulative and cunning I was.

Everyone preferred Simone, who was pure and innocent, while showing disdain toward me, who was a woman of little words.

Even my own husband and child couldn't understand my pain at all.

"We're all family here, aren't we? Can't you just stop your dramatics for a few days? Whenever I come home, you always start a fight and cause unrest among everyone! You really should reflect on your own actions!"

Just like that, I died on my sickbed all alone.

When I open my eyes again, I've returned to the day I get accepted back into my family.

This time, I'm not going to fight anymore. I'm going to live for myself instead.

Chapter 1

I stepped out of the bathroom, shivering from head to toe.

I had forced myself to take a cold shower. If I came down with a fever tomorrow, I'd have an excuse to skip the family portrait.

I looked at my decade-younger reflection in the mirror, then at the project proposal I had once abandoned sitting on my desk. My eyes hardened with resolve.

In my previous life, my adoptive sister, Simone Graham, had booked a famous photographer she found online to take a family portrait.

It was the first time I had ever taken a family photo with the Grahams since they had welcomed me back into the family.

I'd looked forward to it for weeks. I'd even worn the most expensive dress I'd brought from the orphanageone that I'd always been reluctant to touch.

But when we got the photos back, I had been cleanly photoshopped out of the corner.

It was all because Simone had casually said, "Felicia's vibe doesn't really match the rest of the family. The photo looks kind of weird with her in it."

Back then, I'd tried to defend myself, only to be accused of lacking taste and embarrassing the Graham family.

It took dying once for me to finally get the point.

Just like that family portrait without me in it, there had never been a place for me in this family.

If that was the case, why should I humiliate myself by trying to chase after them?

This time, I simply wouldn't go.

Just as I had planned, when I woke up the next morning, I was burning with a fever. I didn't even have the strength to get out of bed.

My head was foggy when I heard someone push my bedroom door open.

My mom, Riley Colton, stood there with a frown. "I called you several times. Why didn't you come downstairs for breakfast? We're supposed to take the family portrait today. Don't hold everyone up."

I coughed weakly.

"Mom, I'm not feeling well."

That was when she finally noticed my flushed face. She touched my forehead and recoiled at the heat. "You were fine yesterday. How did you suddenly get a fever? Simone worked so hard to get that photographer!"

"It's not her fault, Mom. I'm sure she didn't mean for this to happen," Simone said with a regretful expression. "Maybe we should reschedule the shoot. We can't just take the photo without her"

I calmly cut her off. "It's fine. Don't worry about me. You guys can go ahead without me."

Riley froze. It looked as if she couldn't believe what she had just heard.

"You were the most excited for the family portrait."

I studied her face as I held back a dry laugh.

So she did know that I had been looking forward to it. Then why did she say I was being petty when I got upset after being photoshopped out of the portrait in my previous life?

It was because she didn't love me. My feelings never mattered.

"It's fine. Don't worry about me. You guys can go ahead without me," I repeated myself.

Riley suddenly exploded, "Fine. You said it yourself. Don't throw a tantrum when we're done!"

She dragged Simone out of the room, never once asking how I felt.

I lay staring at the white ceiling. Before I died, I had been just as lonely, lying in a hospital bed all by myself.

Even after I found my biological parents, got married, and had children, I was still Felicia Grahamsomeone nobody loved.

"Mom, Dad, I'll stop making a fuss this time," I thought. "I'll let the three of you be a happy family."

Chapter 2

Maybe it was the high fever, but as soon as I closed my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep.

By the time I woke up, it was completely dark outside.

My throat felt like it was on fire. I staggered out of bed to get some water, only to realize the entire house was empty.

I checked my phone. There were no messages or missed calls, but Simone had just posted on her feed.

"Dinner with the family! Mom and Dad remembered that I love king crab!"

In the photo, the three of them had their faces pressed close together as they smiled brightly.

I scrolled through her posts. Every so often, there was another family photo.

Yet in my previous life, I never even had a single picture with my parents until the day I died.

I must've really given up since the sight of Simone being happy didn't even make me jealous anymore.

After I liked the post, my phone rang.

It was my dad, Michael Graham. "Felicia, I forgot to tell you that we went out for dinner. Just grab a cab and come over."

I looked at the photo Simone had posted and scoffed. The table was piled high with both raw and cooked seafood.

I really must not value my life very much if I ate raw seafood while running a fever.

"It's fine, Dad. I'll grab something to eat on my own."

After hanging up, I took some fever medicine and sent a message to my advisor, Paul Reyner. "Mr. Reyner, I can leave in three days."

He replied with a voice message. "Good. Don't forget to sign the agreement.

"I'm glad you changed your mind. When you said you wanted to give up before, I thought it was such a waste. Several of your seniors are working on this project. Let them show you the ropes. One day, you'll be taking over my work."

A bitter smile crossed my face.

In my previous life, I had wasted all of his efforts. I foolishly gave up on the project and the research career I had dreamed of.

My parents told me not to move too far away. They said they would get a good job for me. I believed them.

They were my biological parents. Even though I had been switched at birth and left in an orphanage for 20 years, blood was thicker than water. Surely, they wouldn't harm me.

But after I waited to hear back from them, they said, "You should work as Simone's assistant. Your degree isn't that impressive anyway, and you still haven't found a job after graduating. Simone's doing a favor by hiring you."

They didn't care that I was a top scorer in college, nor did they care that I had graduated from the National University of Defense Technology with perfect grades. They didn't know that my advisor was renowned across the field.

I spent a lifetime crushed under Simone and despised by everyone.

I wouldn't be as foolish this time.

Sitting at my desk, I carefully signed my name on the agreement. It felt like signing the beginning of a brand new life.

When I went downstairs to get a glass of water, my parents and Simone had just returned.

Not wanting to face them, I instinctively hid by the staircase.

"Mom, Dad, the family portrait turned out great! Once the prints are ready, let's hang it up at home, okay?" Simone said excitedly.

Riley smiled. "Of course, sweetheart. We'll put it in the living room where guests can see it.

"Oh, and remember how you said you wanted to watch the sunrise over the ocean for your birthday? Your dad and I already booked a cruise ship. We'll hold your birthday party there, then the whole family can go to Mako for vacation. What do you think?"

Simone's voice practically sparkled with excitement. "Thank you! I love you guys so much!"

"You silly girl. Why are you thanking your own parents?"

I had never experienced such a warm and cozy atmosphere.

I had always heard Riley and Michael complain that I always kept them at a distance. That I wasn't close to them.

But I tried getting close to them before. Once, when they came back from shopping with bags of gifts for Simone, I worked up the courage to cling to Riley's arm the way Simone always did. "Mom, did you get something for me too?"

I could never forget the awkward expression on her face.

"Maybe next time, Fifi. I forgot to get something for you."

I felt disappointed, but not truly hurt.

Not until I walked past the half-open door of the study and heard Riley complaining to Michael.

"Fifi is way too sensitive. I bought a few things for Simone, but she wanted something too. Do you think she picked that habit up from the streets?"

After that, I never tried to get close to them again.

But somehow, I became obsessed with competing with Simone for every bit of affection and every gift she received from our parents.

What I got in return was even harsher judgment.

"Why are you so immature? Honestly, we shouldn't have brought you back here."

Simone's voice snapped me out of my memories. "Felicia, why are you just standing there? Come have a look at our family photo. Isn't it nice?"

Chapter 3

The happiness on Simone's face was blinding.

I knew she was doing it on purpose.

Just like countless times before, she would use an innocent tone to push me to the edge and make me lose control.

Then, she would tilt her head and ask, "Felicia, are you throwing a tantrum?"

I had endured her cruelty time and time again in my previous life.

Everyone thought I was overreacting. They thought I was petty and difficult.

Only I knew the truth. All I ever wanted from the start was fairness.

But now, it didn't matter anymore.

I calmly took the family portrait and gave a sincere smile. "It does look nice."

Simone's smile froze.

Riley was surprised by my reaction. She had expected me to get angry and had probably even prepared a lecture about how immature I was.

Now the words were stuck in her throat. All she could do was laugh awkwardly.

"W-we'll take one with you too next time."

I nodded lightly.

There wouldn't be a next time.

Riley couldn't read my thoughts. My silence made her uneasy. "You just got unlucky, Fifi. It's your sister's birthday in a few days. We're going abroad for a trip."

"Yeah, Felicia. You didn't get to travel much before, right? This time, the whole family can take you places," Simone chimed in.

I remained completely unmoved.

"That's not necessary. I'm not going."

The small trace of guilt Riley had just shown vanished instantly. She frowned. "Don't be ridiculous. It's your sister's birthday. How can you not go?"

I was unfazed by her questioning.

"Firstly, I don't have a passport. I can't leave the country," I began. "Secondly, I'll be busy with something else during those days."

Riley froze. "You don't have a passport? How could you not have one? Don't we renew them every"

She stopped mid-sentence.

The three of them renewed their passports every year. But I had only come back home this year.

Not one of them had remembered that I didn't even have a passport, let alone thought to take me to get one.

In my previous life, even after I got married and had a child, I never once went abroad with the family.

I wasn't expecting to do so in this life either.

"Enough!"

Michael, who had been sitting silently on the couch the whole time, finally spoke. "Have someone rush the paperwork. It'll still make it in time.

"As for whatever you're busy with, just cancel it. What could possibly be more important than your sister's birthday?"

He decided everything for me with a few casual words.

My opinion had never mattered.

My lips curled into a mocking smile.

For the first time in both my lifetimes, I spoke against his authority. "Dad, I'm not going. My project doesn't allow me to leave the country. If you think what I'm doing isn't important, then feel free to talk it out with my advisor."

He frowned deeply.

"Who is your advisor? I'll talk to him myself," he grumbled, displeased.

"Mr. Reyner from the National University of Defense Technology."

Michael paused, then his eyes widened in shock. "You mean the Paul Reyner? The 'Father of Rockets'? How could he possibly be your advisor? Besides, why haven't you mentioned you're studying at the National University of Defense Technology?"

Chapter 4

I felt like laughing. "It's because you guys never asked," I replied.

My grades were still posted on the wall back at the orphanage. My suitcase was filled with trophies I had earned over the years.

It wasn't that I wasn't good enoughthey just chose not to see it.

After that day, my parents seemed to have come to their senses. They started making an effort to learn about my past.

At the dinner table, they would ask how life had been at the orphanage. They'd ask if school had been hard and if I'd been struggling.

I answered them evenly.

Meanwhile, Simone always found a way to steer the conversations back to herself. She never liked it when our parents' attention lingered on me.

I happily watched her cling to them and pout since it meant that I didn't have to deal with them.

Soon, the day I would leave them arrived.

To my surprise, my parents actually cleared their schedules. They even had the chef prepare a full table of dishes to send me off.

"Fifi, you're heading somewhere new. If you need anything, just give us a call."

"That's right. Don't push yourself. We'll always have your back."

It was the first time they had ever said something like that to me, even if they sounded a little stiff doing so.

My silence only made things more awkward.

Riley pushed the dessert toward me to ease the tension. "Try this. I made it myself."

I glanced at the thick layer of mango on top and replied flatly, "No thanks. I'm allergic to mango."

Riley blinked in surprise.

"Really? I thought you loved"

She stopped herself.

She must've remembered that the one who loved mango wasn't me, but Simone.

"Then have some of the dishes! You're from the south, right? We had the chef make all your favorites," Michael said, clearing his throat.

I looked at the table full of golden, oily dishes and couldn't help but scoff. "I've had stomach problems since I was a kid. I can't eat fried food."

The air grew even more tense.

Simone pressed her lips together.

"Felicia, Mom and Dad meant well. You didn't have to say it like that," she lectured. "It wouldn't hurt to take a bite or two."

Her thoughtfulness earned approving looks from the two, making me seem even colder in comparison.

Riley frowned. "Just look at Simone. She's so considerate. Why are you always so difficult?"

"That's right. I am difficult. I'll skip the meal. My ride's already here," I agreed with her.

Michael held it in as long as he could, but he finally snapped.

"We went through all this trouble to prepare these dishes for you. Now that you've found someone to rely on, do you think you can act however you want? Believe me, I'll cut off your allowance!"

I didn't stop walking. When I reached the front door, I turned back toward them and smiled coldly. "Go ahead, Dad. I've never received a single cent from you anyway."

The door slammed shut behind me. Even then, I could still hear his confused voice from inside.

"Wasn't she getting money from you?"

"I don't know! I thought you were handling it!"

"She's your daughter. How could you not care about something like that?"

"And you think you did any better? You didn't remember either!"